Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
