we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
