and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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