I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
