the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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