Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
