This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
