And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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