I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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