I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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