I cockslap morals
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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