you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
