All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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