it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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