so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
