I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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