It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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