I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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