just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
