matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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