I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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