Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
