After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
