Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
