You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
