I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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