can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
