I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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