theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
