We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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