We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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