If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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