I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
