There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
