Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
