my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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