The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
