just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
