I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
