If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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