I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
