She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
