Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
