so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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