Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
