Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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