right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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