Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
