plz talk dirty to me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
