if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
